Breaking News…The Snuggie Suit

Yes, that’s right ladies… the Snuggie has evolved.  You can get this hot new number at JC Penny’s for $24.99.  I guess we were tired of tripping over our Snuggies and catching our sleeves on fire while making a cup of tea.  Personally, I have to say it’s much cuter than the designer Snuggies and it definitely sends your man a message.  There’s no “pretending” you have a headache while wearing fleece aphrodisiac.  As unattractive as the blanket Snuggie is, it’s still fairly easy access!

 As much as I want to believe it won’t happen,  I expect to see some assclowns women sporting them at the super market. Maybe a lady or two walking her dog while wearing one.  I only hope the pooch doesn’t have a matching one!

Worse yet, would be if they also have it available for men. Lawdy, they’d look like a bad terry cloth version of Elvi jumpsuits!

And I thought I was getting creative with a belted designer Snuggie.

1.) Do you have an original or designer Snuggie?

2.) Would you purchase a Snuggie Suit?

3.) Would you wear it to the supermarket or any other public place?

4.) Would you attend a Snuggie Pub Crawl in your city?

Super Bowl Commercials

With the Super bowl ony weeks away I thought this would be a good time to see what are some of people’s favorite Super bowl commercials.

I’m not much of a football fan but I do like to watch the commericals.  This is one of my favorites.  Please feel free to share one as well.

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She Did What At The Holiday Office Party?

It’s that time of year. I post this every year at this time. One of my absolute favorites! There’s a moral to the story ;) And no the story isn’t based on me.  It’s a parody.

  

Okay, the holiday office party has come and gone and now it’s time to return to work. What do you mean you’re too embarrassed to show your face there ever again? Remember  you promised yourself while getting ready that you would only have two cocktails TOPS and would eat in between?

  Well, that idea went right out the window as soon as the boss came up to you and discretely told you that when you got back to the office on Monday everyone’s work load was going to increase, and you’d be required to work overtime without extra pay. Schmuck!…look at him grinning from ear to ear.  Guess he didn’t get the  2 drink minimum memo either or the one about mixing business with pleasure….. and cue the mojitos!

 

 

 If only there were some way to regain your composure, credibility, and integrity back.  Maybe no one really saw that YouTube video of you giving the boss the finger while standing behind his back and mocking his actions.  How were you to know that your co-worker was filming a documentary entitled The Protege’….what a kiss ass!

 

 

 

  And if only you hadn’t told everyone in the office last week that you found Tiffany and Steve going at it in the copy room.  Especially,  since he and you had locked yourselves in the men’s room and were going at it like wild gazelle. What were you thinking? 

And La Piece de Resistance you vomited on the dance floor, slipped in it, and ended up in the emergency room with a broken arm.

Yeah, maybe no one will remember.

 
1.) Have you ever done something at the holiday office party that you were completely ashamed of?
2.) Ever saw someone else make an ass of themselves?
3.) What’s your holiday party drink minimum?
 


People At The DMV

After living in Florida almost 3 years, one pick pocket, and nearly 3 months later I finally took the trip down to the local DMV to get a new license. Where do the people inside the DMV come from? Not the employees with their perpetual scowls painted on their faces, but the people inside waiting to conduct their stately business.

Funny you never see these people driving on the road. It’s like walking into the Twilight Zone. Maybe even as if the DMV purposely plants these people there to amuse you because of the never ending lines and unpleasant wait. Looking around you have to wonder if a bus pulled up with a load of Carnies and dropped them off to get their state id’s and driver’s licenses. Do you need a license to operate the Tilt-O-Whirl?

I’m just saying the DMV is a scary place and it’s not the type of place you hang out in longer than you have to or dare to make eye contact with anyone. It seems the DMV will give anyone a license or id providing you have the proper paperwork.

I don’t think asking someone if they have any mental disabilities or illness that prevent one from driving a vehicle is a valid way of assessing that. I think it requires more than a yes or no answer. Maybe they should have a Psychiatrist planted in the crowed listening to and watching people. Surely, half the people in the DMV would be deemed clinically insane and unfit to be behind a wheel.

I think the People of Wal-Mart and the People at the DMV are one in the same.

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It’s Raining Men

I recently went on a girl’s night out. As you could imagine I was more than excited to spend an evening out with a bunch of girls chit chatting about current events, family, relationships, etc. Surely, reaffirming that I’m not the only one that has “issues.”

Girls night out is like free therapy…that is, if you discount the drinks and dinner. Who can pour out their woes better and more openly than a bunch of tipsy women, eager to be relieved of the stressors of work, husbands, boyfriends, children, and pets?. Just for the record we had a DD….we’re not completely irresponsible!

After dinner we had plans to hit La Bare men’s club in Ft. Lauderdale. I had no problem with this whatsoever, the last time I had seen male strippers was in my late 20′s, so I thought the stripping industry has surely come a long way since the Chippendales.

Ahhhh, was I wrong! In fact, I think the act of male stripping has actually regressed. From the moment I was able to focus my eyes in the dark neon flashing club filled with scantily clad bikini wearing men, I knew I was in for an interesting show.

I had joked earlier to my boyfriend that I needed singles for the strippers. The truth was, that I wasn’t about to give my hard earned money up to a bunch of male stippers! Besides, I’m not single and maybe 20 years ago I would have liked the attention from an exotic male dancer taking a couple of singles out of my cleavage……but I’m pretty sure it didn’t turn me on, even back then.

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I watched with careful attention all the other women in the club. I think our group was probably the most reserved group present. We made a pact when we went in….”what happens in La Bare stays in La Bare.” I’m sure it’s the same pact our husbands and boyfriends make when they walk into any given strip club.

I thought maybe our reservations had more to do with our age and experience, but as I made my observations from my seat, I saw many women my age or older loving the attention. To each his own…who am I to squash somebody’s fun night out?…besides for the most part it’s all harmless flirty fun. If you think about it, they are just doing their job. It’s the women that seem more desperate for the attention.

I wondered who their choreographer was for the club and if they didn’t have one….they were in need of one badly! Some of the men had some moves, but there just isn’t anything sexually arousing to me, watching a man air hump a stage floor or swing around from a leather strap dangling from the ceiling. Who was in charge of this club? Som men were in their own little world upon their dance pedestals, doing their mundane dance numbers off to the side. Lazy strippers!

Personally, I thought this poor little unattractive Native American man crawling across the stage to gather all the stray singles strewn about was more intriguing. What a job…picking up sweaty dollar bills from a filthy floor and they’re not even your tips!

I imagine he stays after when the club’s patrons and dancers have gone home. Sweeping the stage floor and with no one looking on, drops his broom, turns on the music and lights, and dances and swings around the strap hanging from the ceiling.

All in all, it was a great night out and getting to meet some new friends was the most amazing part of the whole night. Would I go back to the club again?…..sure, why not? You should always take every experience for what’s it’s worth. Maybe next time I could loosen up a bit and part with a few singles to help out a struggling artist just trying to make his way through life.

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Damn The Paddle Ball To Hell!

Ahhh, the good ole paddle ball. No doubt, that item was invented by some ingenious stressed out parent who knew the ball would only stay attached for no more than a few hits in the air – maximum.

 Those of us more skilled at paddle ball however knew how to dismantle it more quickly with just one hit.  Which only hastened it’s intended cunning purpose……. to deliver a good swift swat across the rear.

You’re oblivious to past consequences. Even as it’s being unwrapped out of the plastic cover it came in, you’re reassuring yourself that it’s won’t break this time. You promise you’ll be more careful with it now. You reason the last one was just defective forgetting what happened with the previous paddle balls you begged your parents to buy for you. 

It was like a visicious cycle that you would later hate yourself for, while standing in front of the mirror pulling down your pants assessing the welted impression of what only minutes ago used to be your toy. 

 As your behind is throbbing and tingling you finally get a clear vision and realize maybe you shouldn’t have cried when it broke yet again! As it’s immediately yanked out of your hand and used, followed by the notorious parental soliloquy…..”There, now you really have something to cry about!”

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